Tag: bits

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IV

I blink

There is no room this time

No doors to choose between

No checker board tile floor beneath my bare feet

Instead there is pavement

I wake up on it

The black, dry, gritty asphalt underneath me

It’s still night

The exact moment when I left nearly?

I stand up & brush black dust off my cheek

I’m not dressed right for where I am

The white dress I fell in, now dirty, now torn

the rocks sharp against my still naked feet . . .

I look like a lost girl

Who doesn’t know she’s here

Completely out of place

Strange against the settings

Because I am

I am not in an alley

There are no streetlights here

Just sharp, n e o n

I’m in a square area, a back area

Where a few businesses meet & share a dumpster

The colorful lights look at me

And I don’t know where to go

‘Tell me what you want’ , I think

‘Just tell me what you want’

And then coming from behind me

I hear someone singing

So I turn to look at the building

And it doesn’t look like much

Not like the hotel it claims to be

Five stories high,

peeling mint green

And singing

Looking, Listening, Hoping that something else will catch my eye

But nothing does

So I walk away from them

(The Fortune Teller, The Restaurant, The Hobby Store)

And to the Hotel

To see who’s singing

And why

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III

I gasp for breath as I fall backwards

I feel l i g h t , e f f o r t l e s s

As if I’m in control

I turn in the air

My arms & legs spread out from me

As I fall slowly through the air

The world is turning around me, b e a u t i f u l

. . .

Suddenly I’m choking on water

The gray calm disappearing

I fall through the thin layer of lake . . .

Into a sky of balckness

The city far below me

The beauty ripped away

I’m soaked & cold

And Sacred

Wet cloth & hair sticking to me & whipping around me at the same time

As I fall uncontrollably

Grasping at particles to small for me to hold onto

And fast

The city was so small before

But now it grows, & grows

As I f a l l ever closer

I can barley breathe

The sickness of falling

The fear of hitting the pavement

The pressure of the air itself

Squeeze me tighter & tighter

So that for all the air that brushes my lips

None of it ends up inside my lungs

The first tip of a sky scraper passes by me

Have I fallen so far so soon?

Am I that close to the pavement already?

Every sound comes to me

Every car, shout, movement, the sound of the wind

I see everything

The buildings, the street lights, graffiti, & alleyways

And my lungs are dying

Because soon so will I

Afraid of the pain

Of a stranger finding me broken & not knowing my name

I pray in my thoughts

Don’t let me die

Don’t kill me

And right before I hit the pavement

Right as I can no longer breathe

Right before the pain –

I wake up